Block 15, Corvallis, Oregon
“Gee, Wally, why would a person fly all the way to Corvallis just to eat a pretzel? I mean, you can get ’em right here at the Woolworth’s lunch counter.”
“I dunno, Beav. Sometimes adults just do nutty stuff. Like when Dad tried growing a beard. Or that week when Mom started buying ‘oat milk’ instead of normal milk.”
As should be obvious, today’s review is of another OOSP (Out-Of-State Pretzel). Specifically, we’re off to the Beaver State to try the “Bier Bread Pretzel” from Block 15 Brewing in Corvallis.
Block 15 actually has two locations: The Downtown Pub (which is more of a conventional restaurant), and the Southtown Tap Room (where they actually make the beer). I visited the latter, which, I must say, smelled like a brewery. Which is to be expected, because it is a brewery, with the fermenting tanks prominently on display, doing their thing.
I ordered the “extra large bier bread pretzel served with stoneground mustard and bier cheese sauce.” I thought the description sounded fairly promising, except for the “sauce” added to the description of the beer cheese, and the pretentious German spelling of “beer.”
When the pretzel showed up it didn’t quite match my expectations. For starters, this was not an extra-large pretzel. A truly extra-large pretzel would be at least 50 percent larger than this one, and typically would be hung from a hook. In addition, the color seemed unusually dark, and there was no sign of glossiness. There was practically no salt at all.
I then tried a bite, and my skepticism was validated. This was an incredibly bland and bready pretzel, entirely lacking in pretzel taste. It was like eating a dinner roll. Given the appearance and the taste, it’s almost certain they skipped the critical step of boiling the pretzel in baking soda or lye.
The very least they could have done to kick up the taste a bit would have been to properly salt it. The little salt they did use was not kosher salt, but just a little salt dust like the kind you’d find at the bottom of a container of Morton Salt. Just look at the photo; this is essentially a saltless pretzel.
The supposed “bier cheese sauce” was equally disappointing. It was flat, lacking anything resembling a cheesy tang. And I suspect they call it a “sauce” because they mixed their (pathetic) beer cheese with something like mayonnaise. On top of all this, the “bier cheese sauce” skins quickly, similar to the Jell-O pudding my mom used to make.
I cannot in good conscience give this anything higher than 1.5 stars.
ALERT! ALERT! ALERT!
Just moments before this review went to press, we received a dispatch from our son, Ian B., who happens to be going to graduate school in Corvallis. He had just eaten a pretzel at Block 15’s other location (the Downtown Pub). Here is his report, slightly edited from the original Millennial Text-Speak:
This pretzel is a bread bomb that lacks the alkali boil. The salt is good and the mustard is good. The beer cheese tastes like Velveeta. 3 stars…but the more I eat this pretzel the lower the score drops. Would not recommend this. The size is appreciated, but it’s the equivalent of getting a double roll of Smarties–I don’t need more than one.
So there you have it. It seems like Ian’s pretzel was larger than mine, and as the photo shows, it clearly had plenty of good-quality salt. But we seem to be in agreement about the lack of alkaline bath, the breadiness, and the sub-par beer cheese.
PRETZEL TRIVIA
Pretzels are the future.
At least, this is the impression I get from reading market trend analyses. The global pretzel market is worth $8 billion. This is expected to continue growing, owing to “increasing consumer demand for convenient snack options, the rising popularity of pretzels as a healthier alternative to traditional snacks, and a surge in product innovation, including gluten-free, whole grain, and organic options catering to health-conscious consumers.”
Hard pretzels constitute a larger share of the market than soft pretzels, but soft pretzel sales are growing more rapidly. Further, “Brands are shifting away from plain salted varieties—which still account for over 80% of consumption—toward bold, adventurous flavor infusions like parmesan, garlic, barbecue, sweet profiles, and specialty artisanal pretzel salts.” I’ve gotta say, I’m no so sure about these “sweet profiles.”
Americans eat about 2 pounds of pretzels per capita annually. This might not sound like a lot, and it’s less than half of what Germans eat (5.5 pounds per capita). But American pretzel consumption really depends on where you live. Residents of Pennsylvania reportedly eat over 12 pounds of pretzels per capita annually. And while that number is impressive, I figure I’ve personally eaten over 30 pounds of pretzels in October alone.
